Thursday, January 3, 2008

Can it Last?

I just found out that one of my good family friends is leaving his wife. I have known him for years, as well as his kids and his wife. They seemed like a great couple, and he a great man. But as my mom and dad found out on New Years...he had a girlfriend in Colorado for a year and was moving out. Including this couple, I have known of at LEAST 10 couples who have split up in the last 8 years. At a time when all my friends are getting married, I can't help but think...Can love last? Can a marriage last with love and happiness? Chad and I have discussed this in great seems our grandparents truly believed in marriage--they stayed married even when things were tough. Even if love seemed to disappear, they stayed married. Chad's grandpa just died and left his wife of 67 years alone for the first time. From what I hear, they fought all the time...but I saw her grieve over her husband; saw her dread going into the funeral home where she would see his body for the first time; I saw her look lost and empty for weeks. Even though they fought and had hard, hard times, they were still very much in love. Why did they last? Why were they still happy? Is it because they stayed together EVEN WHEN they thought love was gone? EVEN WHEN they wanted to kill the other?? I feel like so many people my age are rushing into marriage. They think they found "the one" and they think they know this within weeks and even months. I have such a hard time with this because I see so many marriages fall apart...those whose marriages are falling apart married believing they had found "the one." They believed they had it right and would be together forever. They had the same thoughts as all my friends and peers who are marrying. I'm not saying these marriages won't last...I'm just saying that with as tough as life and marriage can be, isn't it best to go slowly and take your time? I think some are so naive to think they are different...their love will last. Haven't we all thought that about someone we have been with? After discussing and thinking about this in detail, I see great differences in generations. Our grandparents married young, but most stayed married. Granted, maybe they weren't always happy. There were really hard times when they wanted to give up...but the majority of them didn't. They stayed married and stayed true to the vows they made to each other. Our parent's generation married young but not as young as their parents. A lot of couples our parent's age are divorcing...they're not in love anymore, they want something new...blah blah blah. What is our generation going to do? Where will we all be 20, 30 years from now? Will our marriages all still be happy, blissful and intact? How can these failed marriages not affect the decisions we make in our lives? How can we continue to be naive and think we will be different? Half of us won't be different...half of our marriages (if not more by then) will fail. So to those who judge me for living with my boyfriend before marriage, and for not being engaged yet, I say to you...we are being smart. We are not being naive...we are taking our time to make sure we will last. And even then, we can't be sure. We love each other deeply and have been through some majorly difficult and tumultuous times. But we are still together and we are still happy and in love. We know our lives will not always be blissful and happy...but we will do our best to live happy lives together because that's what we want. I hope all of you who are married are part of the 50% who do stay together. Please let me know your thoughts on this topic...I'm open and looking for thoughts...

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